My dad has continued to email one of my younger brothers since the end of August. My brother will not even acknowledge that he even received them. My dad repeatedly says, “If I don’t hear from you, I’ll know that you don’t want to talk to me and I’ll leave you alone,” yet he continues to email. My dad says that my mom has lied to all of us kids (like we can’t see and feel for ourselves) about his addiction, and assured my brother that the “only” thing he’s lied to us about is promising some time ago that he would never smoke crack again.
To complicate matters further, my dad has a sister (who we’ve never really been close to) who all of a sudden feels like she needs to take responsibility for my father. She has and continues to enable him in ways that even I cannot fathom anymore. I’m thankful that my siblings and I are no longer in the state of denial she is in. Despite trying to educate her, she simply cannot grasp the concept that by doing the things she has for my dad, she is basically enabling him to continue to smoke crack and thereby kill himself. She thinks she’s doing the right thing by my dad.
Dear old auntie will periodically call my mom with an update on my dad. Recently, the updates are all about how she cannot believe how my brothers and I have just abondoned my father. If I have to hear one more time about how awful we are for not sending my dad a father’s day card (if anyone knows where I can find a Hallmark card for crackhead fathers, please let me know…), I’m going to scream. Auntie asks “what will it take for the kids to allow their dad back into their lives? How about rehab?” Seriously!?!? How naive do they think we are?
The point is that I’m SO sick of her placing blame for this situation on US. How is that even possible? Um, hello…in case you haven’t a clue, auntie, which by the way you don’t, my dad has NO reason to change because you’re right there trying to help him get a job, giving him money, and buying him clothing. She honestly thinks my dad isn’t smoking crack. She always says, “well, when I talk to him, he doesn’t sound high and he said he hasn’t smoked crack in a very long time…” Idiot.
Then, to put the icing on the cake, Auntie decides to drive 3 hours north of where she lives to stop in the town where my brother (who keeps receiving the emails) and I live. She drove all the way to my brother’s work this past Saturday (thank GOD he wasn’t there) to “give him some spending money.” This makes me so FURIOUS that I literally see red when I think about this. We haven’t seen Auntie in FOREVER; she’s NEVER sent any of us “spending money” in our entire lives. I couldn’t tell you the last time any of us (besides my mom) have even talked to this woman, and here she shows up at my brother’s work looking to give him money?
Not only does this set off a huge red flag in my mind regarding what she and my dad are concocting, or in what way the are wanting to use my brother (which he will not tolerate), it completely infuriates me. Why can’t Auntie and my dad just leave us alone? They have absolutely NO regard for our feelings and our lives, and just think they have the right to come in and out whenever they want, creating chaos and leaving heartache. They just don’t get it. Why can’t they just stop to think for just one minute about how the emails, phone calls, and visits make us feel? They have such blatant disregard for us and for our emotions. All of us try hard to put this nightmare out of our heads, even just so we can get through a day, and then we’re forced to deal with shit like this which makes all the emotions of the past year and a half come flooding back full-force. It just pisses me off that after everything we’ve been put through, that they can’t just have the common decency to leave us the hell alone.
…and that’s my rant for the day.
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