By Ed Hughes, MPS
The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well. Shame, guilt, fear, worry, anger, and frustration are common. Everyday feelings for family members concerened about a loved one’s drinking or drug use. In most cases, the family has endured the brunt of the consequences for the loved ones addiction, including the stress of worry, financial costs, and life adjustments made to accommodate the addicted person’s lifestyle. Addiction leads the addict away from positive influences of the family. The disease twists love, concern, and a willingness to be helpful into a host of enabling behaviors that only help to perpetuate the illness.
Family and friends are usually very busy attempting to help the alcoholic or addict, but the help is of the wrong kind. If directed toward effective strategies and interventions, however, these people become powerful influences in helping the loved one “hit bottom” and seek professional help. At the very least, families can detach themselves from the painful consequences of there loved one’s disease and cease their enabling behavior. Here are 10 ways family members can help there loved one and themselves:
1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction.
Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon. Addiction thrives in an environment of ignorance and denial. Only when we understand the characteristics and dynamics of addiction can we begin to respond to its symptoms more effectively. Realizing that addiction is a progressive disease will assist the family members to accept there loved as a “sick person” rather than a “bad person.” This comprehension goes a long way toward helping overcome the associated shame and guilt. No one is to blame. The problem is not caused by bad parenting or any other family shortcoming. Attendance at open AA/NA meetings is important: families need to see that not only are they not alone in there experience, but also that there are many other families just like theirs involved in this struggle. Families will find a reason to be hopeful when they hear the riveting stories of recovery shared at these meetings.
2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of their disease
Unfortunately, it is extremely rare for anyone to be “loved” into recovery. Recovering people experience a “hitting bottom.” This implies an accumulation of negative consequences related to drinking or drug use which provides the necessary motivation and inspiration to initiate a recovery effort. It has been said that “truth” and “consequences” are the foundations of insight and this holds true for addiction. Rescuing addicted persons from there consequences only ensures that more consequences must occur before the need for recovery is realized.
3) Don’t support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
Money is the lifeblood of addiction. Financial support can be provided in many ways and they all serve to prolong the arrival of consequences. Buying groceries, paying for a car repair, loaning money, paying rent, and paying court fines are all examples of contributing to the continuation of alcohol or drug use. Money is almost always given by family members with the best of intentions, but it always serves to enable the alcoholic or addict to avoid the natural and necessary consequences of addiction. Many addicts recover simply because they could not get money to buy their drug. Consequently they experience withdrawal symptoms and often seek help.
4) Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use. Don’t try to figure it out or look for underlying causes.
There are no underlying causes. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others. This “paralysis by analysis” is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.
5) Don’t make idle threats. Say what mean and mean what you say.
Words only marginally impact the alcoholic or addict. Rather “actions speak louder than words” applies to addiction. Threats are as meaningless as the promises made by the addicted person.
6) Don’t extract promises
A person with an addiction cannot keep promises. This is not because they don’t intend to, but rather because they are powerless to consistently act upon their commitments. Extracting a promise is a waste of time and only serves to increase the anger toward the loved one.
7) Don’t preach or lecture
Preaching and lecturing are easily discounted by the addicted person. A sick person is not motivated to take positive action through guilt or intimidation. If an alcoholic or addict could be “talked into” getting sober, many more people would get sober.
8.) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger
These emotions create a painful roller coaster for the loved one. For a given amount of anger that is felt by a family member in any given situation, that amount-or more-of pity will be felt for the alcoholic or addict once the anger subsides. This teeter-totter is a common experience for family members—they get angry over a situation, make threats or initiate consequences, and then backtrack from those decisions once the anger has left and has been replaced by pity. The family then does not follow through on their decision to not enable.
9) Don’t accommodate the disease
Addiction is a subtle foe. It will infiltrate a family’s home, lifestyle, and attitudes in a way that can go unnoticed by the family. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting one’s work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning one’s day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.
10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities
Family members must identify areas of there lives that have been neglected due to their focus on, or even obsession with, the alcoholic or addict. Other family members, hobbies, job, and health, for example, often take a back seat to the needs of the alcoholic or addict and the inevitable crisis of addiction. Turning attention away from the addict and focusing on other personal areas of one’s life is empowering and helpful to all concerned. Each of these suggestions should be approached separately as individual goals. No one can make an abrupt change or adjustment from the behaviors that formed while the disease of addiction progressed. I can not over-emphasize the need for support of family members as they attempt to make changes. Counseling agencies must provide family education and programs to share this information. They must offer opportunities for families to change their attitudes and behaviors. The most powerful influence in helping families make these changes is Al-Anon/Naranon. By facing their fears and weathering the emotional storms that will follow, they can commit to ending their enabling entanglements.
The disease of addiction will fervently resist a family’s effort to say “no” and stop enabling. Every possible emotional manipulation will be exhibited in an effort to get the family to resume “business as usual.” There will always be certain family members or friends who will resist the notion of not enabling, join forces with the sick person, and accuse the family of lacking love. This resistance is a difficult but necessary hurdle for the family to overcome. Yet, it is necessary if they are to be truly helpful to the alcoholic or addict. Being truly helpful is what these suggestions are really about. Only when the full weight of the natural consequences of addiction is experienced by the addict – rather than by the family- can there be reason for hope of recovery.
A Daughter\'s Journey... 
My baby brother just went into to rehab on monday due to his addiction to heroin. He is a senior in highschool and he is such a wonderful kid I never thought that this would ever happen to him. No one had any idea that he had this addiction until he came to my mom and asked to be taked to rehab so he could get better. I love him so much and I can’t get my mind off of him. I wish I knew of something I could do to help or something that my family could do to help him.
being there for him will make a difference.Sending him cards and letters and letting him know that you are there for him if he needs you. My heart goes out to you and I hope he can recover to lead a better life.The first step is the relization that he has a habit that is a huge step in the right direction.Going into rehab and asking for help is big step in the recovery process
I am a recovering alcoholic and just wanted you to know that which you have here is so true. My parents tried to help me and basically aided in my addiction. Eventually they cut me off. It took another 15 years of hell before I finally got sober. So kudos to you for publishing this.
This was so helpful to me that I can’t tell you. I’m in the beginning stages of trying to fully understand my boyfriends addiction to heroin after being with him for 4 years. I don’t know what’s kept me from seeking help and educating myself, except that for some reason I just kept thinking I was strong enough to get him through this on my own. I believed the things he would tell me and the progress he sometimes seemed to be making and I believed I was strong enough inside to be firm and focused and determined enough to help. I was so wrong and I can tell when I read this because all I did was cry and laugh like an idiot as I read it. It feels like I’ve finally found someone who understands what’s going on with me and it’s so relieving. I’ll check into local naranon meetings TODAY! Thank you so much.
Prayers going out for all of you and for everyone who has an addicted person in their life.
I do think part of solution for coping with this nightmare and pain is going to Al-Anon or Narcotics Anonymous meetings, anything that brings us together with others who are going through what we are going through.
It’s a life you could never have imagined had this not happened to you, right?
I also read a couple of books that helped me immensely, if only for the time I was reading them. Now I keep going back and re-reading as a way to reinforce the messages in these books. The first book is by Charles Rubin and it is called,”Don’t Let your Kids Kill You,”: dealing with an addicted child.
The second one is by Beverly Conyers and is called, “Addict in the Family, – Stories of Loss, Hope and Recovery.”
Both books were tremendous helps, esp. Rubin’s book which was infused with humor and encouragement along with the inevitable realism.
I have found that family members don’t generally understand what I am going through with my heroin and Xanax-addicted son and that I have to learn not to talk to them about this problem at all. They just don’t “get it” and may never get it.
Here comes my addicted son again – to talk about the money he needs by 8:00 tomorrow so he can buy a “painting for his room” or “a CD player for his car.” When it’s really, of course, for his daily ration of dope. He is promising to go into rehab on Monday but it’s always with strings attached. Oh, well, whatever it takes at this point. I want him to go to rehab so bad – if not for him, then for ME and my other two children. Rehab is not just for the addict, I maintain; it is for the loved ones of the addict, too, who seriously, desperately, need a break from all the drug-related commotion.
Danielle Says:
January 13, 2008 at 7:51 am
Prayers going out for all of you and for everyone who has an addicted person in their life.
I do think part of solution for coping with this nightmare and pain is going to Al-Anon or Narcotics Anonymous meetings, anything that brings us together with others who are going through what we are going through.
It’s a life you could never have imagined had this not happened to you, right?
I also read a couple of books that helped me immensely, if only for the time I was reading them. Now I keep going back and re-reading as a way to reinforce the messages in these books. The first book is by Charles Rubin and it is called,”Don’t Let your Kids Kill You,”: dealing with an addicted child.
The second one is by Beverly Conyers and is called, “Addict in the Family, – Stories of Loss, Hope and Recovery.”
Both books were tremendous helps, esp. Rubin’s book which was infused with humor and encouragement along with the inevitable realism.
I have found that family members don’t generally understand what I am going through with my heroin and Xanax-addicted son and that I have to learn not to talk to them about this problem at all. They just don’t “get it” and may never get it.
Here comes my addicted son again – to talk about the money he needs by 8:00 tomorrow so he can buy a “painting for his room” or “a CD player for his car.” When it’s really, of course, for his daily ration of dope. He is promising to go into rehab on Monday but it’s always with strings attached. Oh, well, whatever it takes at this point. I want him to go to rehab so bad – if not for him, then for ME and my other two children. Rehab is not just for the addict, I maintain; it is for the loved ones of the addict, too, who seriously, desperately, need a break from all the drug-related commotion
Not helping or enabling an addicted loved one is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I know. My son died from a drug overdose at the age of 31. He was a Paramedic and an RN and had the whole world by the tail.
But he couldn’t pay his bills because his money went to drugs. He was hopelessly addicted. So my husband and I helped him Yes, we enabled him. We did it out of love for him and trying to keep him hanging on, to keep his job. This is all against what the experts say.
On a Friday we decided to try tough love. No more enabling. On Sunday night he was dead.
There are no easy answers for parents because ever since our children were born, our natural instinct was to help them, to protect them. Sadly, enabling them does not help them.
I’m very conflicted about the whole issue of enabling vs. tough love. If you are struggling with an addicted person and want to learn how others coped please read the book I Am Your Disease (The Many Faces of Addiction). It is a book filled with stories by 40 parents who lost their child to this insidious disease. It may help you and you will learn you’re not alone.
My boyfriend went to his first NA meeting last Tuesday Night. I feel so stupid. 7 years ago he was addicted to Meth. He was incarcerated for something non-drug related, but that is what led to what he was doing. He kicked the addiction in prison. He has been out for a for a year and 7 months. We have been together for a year and 7 months. He was laid off from his job in October. Unable to find another job in this current and also being on parole, which makes it even more difficult, he was drinking whenever he could, behind my back mainly. He went to NA becuase he said when he drinks he wants to do Meth, Cocaine etc…again. I feel so stuip becuase I didn’t notice. I hate to hear him call hisself and addict. I need someone else to tell me how to cope with this. I am angry at him and at myself.
my mom started drinking vodka when i was seven and it just got worse untill she had to go to rehab now she is sober but i have problems trusting and relying. i just feel ashamed and i try to supprt her but i cant even say what she is(alcoholic). this page really helped me thank you
Crack-Cocain
I just recently recieved a phone call explaining to me that my mother had relapsed. It is tearing my family apart, & one of these days there will be nothing left for my mother (or family). She spends all of our monet, steels, pawns tools, Jewerly, anything she can get her hands onto. Man this is problem is too hard to cope with. Some times i think too my self is it worth it because one of these days i will loose my mother to this devil type of a drug. She has the devil in her eyes, & he is killing her. Advice ?
your sharing all sounds so much like my life. I have been on the roller coaster of alcoholism and addiction with two of my sons for around ten years now. My younger son has had a child with another drug addict. Just as I was beginning to get this enabling thing under my belt my grandson came into the picture and I continue to provide support for the sake of the child.
I’d like to start attending meetings and need a resource for finding ones close to my home. My biggest queston is whether it ever stops? My oldest son has been sober for over a year and is working at the halfway house that he got sober in. I am hopeful for him but the past has taught me never to count on it and this is such a disappointing existence that I just feel so much like giving up!
Thank you for this post, it is quite interesting seeing this from the other side. I am a recovering hydrocodone addict, and it is sometimes hard for me to understand the reactions of family and friends. Very hard indeed, sometimes. I feel so victimized myself that it was hard to pity close family until I was getting further and further into my recovery.
I’ve just started a blog on WP myself on addiction (& alcoholism) for addicts themselves to come to to vent about these issues. The rising number of those addicted through their own doctors is staggering, as well as the # of those who become addicted being then thrown out of the medical system almost completely or left to a “medieval detox”, ones I consider backwards and cruel if they aren’t stopping entirely the symptoms of withdrawal and rarely used in the rest of the civilized world anymore. Anesthesia assisted detox is FAR from perfect, but at least the addicted patients there are treated without the “tough love” approach (which leads to relapse due to causing so much resentment on the part of the patient for a “medical” staff which refused them basic human medical care, especially for people like myself who became addicted via a Doctor’s outrageously huge prescriptions. I fully accept my responsibility for having abused these pills, but she prescribed enough to abuse, frankly.
I am sending this to my husband and Mom so that they can better understand and relate to another family member touched by addiction. I do disagree, naturally, on many points you make. Had my family followed your advice I may well have simply walked out on them. “Tough love” doesn’t work on me, it merely makes me angry; no point in splitting hairs though. I recognized my own hatred of my condition during my relapses, but it is hard not to feel trapped when docs want to send you to an “Addiction Boot Camp”, as I call the traditional (or medieval, HAHA!) detoxes and those are such a frightening idea to most addicts.
I am currently on a replacement drug, Suboxone, and being slowly weaned down on it to eliminate withdrawals. The trouble is that I can hardly get any doctors to even touch me with my past and treat my Anxiety Disorder though I’ve been on Klonopin for 5 years now and haven’t abused it. I feel discriminated against and victimized, but my family feels this way as well, so they will hear no words for me. I’m sure I’m not alone, hence the blog I started for addicts, alcoholics, and loved ones to come and vent. Something must change in this system, and fast, or there’ll be a heck of a lot more addicts out there.
Thank You,
TFC
I support all 10 of these helpful tips for the family of an addict, with the exception of one statement within item 4. – “There are no underlying causes” by author. I agree, it is a waste of time for lay folk or family to try and figure this out; but from a broader perspective, it is widely known that most treatment centers look for this and validate that some underlying cause is there for a majority of addicts and that typically the worst addicts are not using in a vacuum devoid of a cause that even they can’t put their finger on. Otherwise, why even treat mentally ill users for underlying cause.,not to mention the incident of addiction within the ranks of the mentally ill is much higher than the general population. That statement is baseless. Everything else is great. http://www.dadonfire.net
[…] January 6, 2010 in Blogs & Resources, Treatment & recovery “The pain and suffering of addiction is not limited to the alcoholic or drug addict. Family members share a tremendous burden as well” – Ed Hughes, MPS Read his guide list: 10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One With a Drug of Alcohol Problem […]
I also agree with all of these with the exception of number 4. My son’s drug use was covering up some serious mental health issues that surfaced once he was clean for about 4 months. Now he is being treated for those issues and because of that has a much better chance at not relapsing. Sometimes there IS a reason someone starts to use, especially a teenager that is not mature enough to realize they need help so seek to medicate themselves.
(P.S. I still treat my son as an addict, I am more willing to help him – but not enable him).
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Aaah, my 22 year old will “celebrate” his 23rd birthday in jail: intent to distribute marijuana. He also self-medicated with alcohol, welbutrin (prescribed), benzos (10 bars), mj..so he’s being monitored right now in their infirmary for signs of withdrawal. He’s also been diagnosed with bipolar, which I feel came on due to prescribed medication and/or his own self-medication and his deep-seated sadness. Unsure what to do…but for now we are not bailing him out. His actions have been wild (totalled car, lost credit card, fell asleep at wheel, can’t keep job or stay with school, crying jags, stuff has been happening every day… As parents whatever we have done in the past has not helped, we have lied to ourselves and allowed him to get worse while allowing him to continue with drugs, choosing to believe that he was only doing mj. By falsely proping him up, we took away so much. Clearly we knew. I am working on the guilt so that I can back off and help in a way that does not contribute to his illness.
I am hoping that this time will be the time that helps him to take steps for a life.
I find your stories and words to give me comfort.
I have a question- but first, thanks so much, this is very enlightening as my husband is now in rehab and I know I need to change the way I deal with him, or nothing will change when he gets out. My question is about this point:
9. Don’t accommodate the disease. As the disease progresses within the family system, the family will unknowingly accommodate its presence. Examples of accommodation include locking up ones and other valuables, not inviting guests for fear that the alcoholic or addict might embarrass them, adjusting one’s work schedule to be home with the addict or alcoholic, and planning one’s day around events involving the alcoholic or addict.
How does one go about not accommodating? I’ve certainly been guilty of not inviting people over because of his addiction, for instance. Does this mean I should invite people over and let them be embarrassed by him? He doesn’t feel the embarrassment, only my guests and I do. Thanks, if anyone can clarify that point I’d appreciate it. Great blog.
This is a great article. My husband has been an crack addict for 3.5 yrs now. Consequences—I bail out by buying groceries, paying bills, etc.
Accommodate—I do this constantly in all sorts of ways. There has not been a ‘guest’ in my house for about 2 years. I have isolated myself and we live with the secret. I am a wreck in every way and I now hate my life.
My husband and I are seperated right now, it has been 5 mos since I followed through with the threat of leaving…. We have 12 & 14 year old boys…This article has helped me to see that this time I handled it all correctly…. We have been married for 10 years and together 15 …. Every 3-5 years he falls off of the wagon as they say , shuts me out and finds the same woman who will party with him…. He is 44 years old, am I nieve when he says he is not having an affair with her it is only drugs??? Do I have any reason to believe it won’t happen again??? Whay aren’t the kids and I enough for him???? I need some serious advise form people who understand … By the way his drug of chioce is meth and I think he smokes it…. Help
My son had surgery and became addicted to oxy. 7 years ago. We finally convinced him to get help and go into rehab. He came out of rehab a new person and stayed clean for over 2 years. He had a bad breakup with his girlfriend and relapsed in Oct. He confessed to us and made promises to stop. He reunited with the girl and seemed like he was doing great again. They broke up again a few weeks ago and now he is drinking and back on the pills. We are at our wits end with him and feel tough love is now necessary. I am scared because we had friends who lost their son to an overdose. Our son is despondent over the breakup and I fear the worse for him. My heart is broken and I just don’t know what to do if he doesn’t want to help himself. I feel helpless. Any advise?
my brother is far away was told by my x that he is so skinny and he has been hanging out with wrong croud he is going down fast. what can i do? i am hurting in side and i am also a x addict. 15 years ago…
my brother is hucked on crack and acohol i want to help too far away was told he was so skinny by my x what can i do to help i am also an x addict..help
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Thank you for your blog! This is exactly what I need right now.
My brother is a heroin addict and called asking for money this morning—again. This time it is for a bus ticket. I haven’t had a phone call like this in a month. He got a job doing door-to-door sales and in currently 3 states away. Well, he got fired from the job a few days ago and has already tried my mom and dad for money. He claims his boss punched him so he hit him back and got fired for that. His boss claims it was for drug abuse and stolen items. Who do you believe? Someone you have never met, or your own brother, despite his history of drug addiction?
I told him no, and stuck with it, for the first time ever. When I tell him no, he normally goes into a story about how no one in the family cares about him but me, and I always give in. This time, when he realized I wasn’t budging he started ranting about how he was sleeping on the streets, hadn’t eaten in 3 days, and was freezing cold. I interrupted, telling him I had a solution…
He did not want to hear the information about the shelter’s in the area or how if he went to stay there it would be easier for him to get 10 miles away to the Salvation Army that would provide him with a one-way bus ticket back home. He wanted money. I told him no…
Then the threats of suicide start. He tells me to say goodbye to him, that he’s going to jump in front of a train. I tell him that I love him and to call me back if he wants the information about the shelters. When does this get easier?
[…] […]
[…] […]
my 28 year old daughter has been addicted to oxycontin since her teen years. she lost custody of her 5 year old dtr.about a year ago i let her move back in about a month ago because shes pregnant and she said she was clean and wanted to stay that way. she has now relapsed and i had to tell her to take her stuff and get out. my heart is breaking, i cant stop crying, pray for us.
You’re in my prayers Mary! After my post in January my brother got arrested in Washington. He ended up hitch hiking out there dispite the family not giving him money. He was there a couple weeks and moved his drug of choice from heroine to Meth. He then proceeded to steal a car, elude police, resist arrest, had the tools on him he broke into the car with, and obstructed justice. 5 charges in total. I don’t know if its a good thing or bad but Washington is VERY liberal and only gave him 2 months in jail, even with his previous prison sentence in Florida. At least when he was in jail I knew he was safer, eating, had a warm bed, and did not have access to at least hardcore drugs.
I’m not sure where you are located but you may be able to get your daughter “committed” through the courts during her pregnancy because of her history of drug use. At least that way your grandchild will be safe. I have a friend that unfortunately had to go that route with her sister in law. She had also lost custody of her oldest child years previous. My friend now has custody of her nephew who is thriving BUT paternal rights have not been terminated so who knows what could end up in his future.
Good luck Mary and please remember that you are not alone! Addiction affects people everywhere! 🙂
My Son is a heroin addict…..been to rehab several times…and its been a few years since he has been but still using and living with us. Putting socks away in his drawer, i found a stash of needles and a spoon. Here we go again…..I am sooo tired of going through all this. I have the tools but still need the prayers, God, I need help not to mention him. Ugh! He has a daughter, not living with us….why does this continue….or why won’t he stick to a plan. Crap….
My son is 21 , I picked him up from jail today where he spent two nights and O.R.ed .Court was suprisingly lenient (like I’ve been for the past year) They ordered drug program and probation. Love, especially motherlove, is blind. Man, I was doing everything wrong and they DO take advantage. 10 tips was right on but for #4- look at their lives and somewhere there’s a reason- a sadness, an event, a trauma, a genetic propensity, something. I am vowing right NOW to quit enabling. Good luck to us all!
I have a family member who drinks everyday but always says his ok and doesn’t take care of his health. I’m very worried about him.is there anything i should do or anyplace to get help.I have asked him to go and that I’ll go with him but he just keeps saying that he doesn’t need help .is there any book[s]that u could let me know I should read to help him more .really need help for him i ‘m worried and scare for his health.thank you……
,my daughter is 15 and taking SEVERAL drugs! I am scared for her and my families safety as she is on the synthetics and pills, huffing too…this is killing me and doiing no justice to my 13 year old daughter that is watching not just her sister fall apart but her mom too…I had her commited to a mental institution as she jumped out of my car going 40 miles an hour! its short term, 7 days….Im not ready for her to come home! Can I have her commited as shes a minor?
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How do u not feel hurt or angry ? How do u stop supporting them by paying fines and such when your married to the addict. My husband and myself met while he was in rehab. He went to meetings and the whole nine yards. But I found out ffor a long time that he’s been using behind my back. I don’t know what to do, I want to be there for him and help him, but at what cost to me. We are expecting our first baby in a few weeks is it to much to hope that the baby will make him stop.
Here I am looking for a Naranon meeting and stumbled across this site. It have to say, that in the few months that my son has been living with me,… I’ve come to realize that this is never going to go away! The lying, stealing money, pawning family jewelery, …etc.
I’ve experienced almost everything mentioned in this “Daughters Journey”. I’m as guilty of doing everything I shouldn’t done, … just as my son shouldn’t have done. I find myself planning my life around him. I’m afraid to leave him alone for even 5 minutes.
I should have left my son in jail longer when he was picked up for trying to pawn stolen lawn equipment! The Judge refused to lower his bond, and even tried to convience me not to bail him out. But being a loving father, I managed to withdraw a great deal of my retirement money to bail him out after several days. That was a huge mistake. I should have left him in there full term, probably a month. We also mangaged to get 3 felonies reduced to two misdmeanors.
After reading this site, I’ve come to realize what an Enabler I am!!! 😦 There are days or moments when it seems like he,… or we,… can kick this beast. However it is usually very short lived. I can’t plan to do anything on my free time. There is no telling what will turn up missing. It was only because I was cleaning his room during a recent 3 week stay in a rehab facility, that I found a pawn shop receipt for my great grandfathers wedding band. Thank goodness I was able to buy it back.
He has no remorse for things he’s stolen or pawned more than 48 hours of being discovered missing. He takes money off his sisters dresser and says he’s not stealing, because he intends to give it back to her when he gets paid in a few days.
My biggest scare is his views on fathering a child. He firmly believes that if he were to father a child,…. he will become more responsible and will be able to quit his addiction. =0 OMG!!
Of coarse if this were to become reality, I’m sure I’ll be the one caring for it! It never ends and only seems to get worse and worse. Its getting to the point where it seems like the only relief will come when one of us dies. :-(…
My son is 38. 2 years ago his relationship of 18years broke up. He has met another girl who I have found out is on drugs. My son has been looking ill over the last year. he has lost weight, not working and he looks awful. He denigns being on drugs, but i know he is. He has come to me for food. Friends have noticed how ill he looks. I am at my wits end as what to do to help him, he is a good person and everyone likes him and are shocked at what he is doing. Does tough love really work.I have tried keeping my distance from him and just texing him and saying to him Be safe Love You, and I am always here for you. I am frightened that there is no turning back for him at this age, especially being with this girl. His teenage boys are upset at the way he looks and they have stopped seeing him.
My mom goes on drink binges for 5-10 days then stops drinking for a month or so then goes on another drink binge. Everytime someone makes her upset or something goes wrong in her life this is how she handles it. Its almost as if she uses the negetive things as an excuse to drink. She doesnt understand how good she has it compared to other people in this life that have far much worse issues going on. Her brother just got out of the hospital with a drinking problem and now has cirrosis but that does not open her eyes either. How do i get her help when my brother and myself have pointed this out to her?
My sister,Kara, my beloved daughter-in-law Jaquee, my ex-boyfriends (4 of them over the years), 2 very close friends, sharon and susie, and now my 27year old twin sons are using meth.
I am so tired….. I have experienced the consequences of addiction since i was 12 years old. The loss of people/relationships i loved. Sometimes i think i might as well have been an addict myself……..not indulging in substance abuse has not saved me from huge consequences and loss……i am just having a moment of self-pity….i will get over it…..again and again. The only thing worse then how i am feeling now, would be feeling the hopelessness and pain of addiction. I am off to find a meeting of fellow sufferers/survivors. Ugggh, dont really want to be a card carrying member of that club…….but truth be told, i already am, but without the benefits that might be there for me. I want to scream “not my beautiful boys! Please God, not christopher and blake, not them too!” “havnt i lost enough already?” I would rather be dead then see them walk down the same road as my sister and so many others i have loved…….i started anti-depressents two days ago…..shoot, now i am on drugs too……i am too tired in my soul to “fight the good fight” surrender may be my last and best option, if not for my beautiful sons, then for me and their three brothers, their grand-mother, their friends. Pray for us please.
My dear brother has a problem with alcohol. I can’t seem to talk him into AA meetings. Won’t talk about his issues openly in front of other people. He has a beautiful wife who’s been way too easy with him over the yrs. Also a lovely daughter going away to college in the fall. Alcohol is all over our family. I don’t know what to do.
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My 24 year old daughter is caught in the disease of heroin addiction. I find these comments give me food for thought as a “Mother’s Love” is so forgiving in so many ways. I just don’t know how to stop reaching out for fear of her death due to drugs. How to deal with this heartbreak to become strong enough to pull away has alluded me. I have stopped helping her except for paying for her cell phone so we can find her or she can call for help when her asthma kicks in do to smoking heroin. Does anyone have a thought? Is that enabling for my own sake? How do you really stop communicating, when you know your child could die? I am overwhelmed with the need to find her and rescue her and then I see the ugliness that heroin turns your child into and I become a Mother watching someone that used to be their beautiful daughter and is now a ranting, raving, ugly ball of hatred. I am so distraught..and can not find my way.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 9 years with 3 boys and another baby on the way. He used to be a happy, loving, dependable guy. He is a total stranger to us now.
We were involved in a fatal head on collision in 2007 and he took the brunt of the injuries. The drunken drug addict that hit us head on at 75 mph didn’t survive. My husband spent a few weeks in the hospital and had in home care for a few months and did make a full recovery. He stopped taking the oxycontin, fentinal(sp?), and vicoden and returned to life and work as nothing ever happened. Until he tripped and fell in 2009 and needed an ACL surgery on his knee. He took the vicoden he was Rx’d like he was supposed to, and gave the left overs to a friend who “injured his shoulder” in a softball game. That was the beginning of our battle with Rx abuse. He started hanging out with these guys who pop pills to relieve stress and for other mysterious injuries, and he of course started doing it, too. He started seeing a pain management Dr and has for the past 2 1/2 years been getting 300+ oxycontin pills and 300+ percocets every month. For ghost injuries. Injuries and pain that nobody has ever challenged or really looked into causes of.
My husband has been crushing up pills, selling pills, trading pills, and taking God knows what else for the past 2 1/2 years and I’m just now coming to my senses and feel like a total failure to our children. It has been too easy to turn a blind eye because he was still functioning and nothing seemed to be wrong. He has become a violent, angry, manipulative, undependable, miserable person to be around. Right now I hate my life. I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate that my children don’t trust him. I hate when he comes home in the middle of the night and calls me a stupid bitch for wondering where he’s been. I hate finding those little plastic baggies in my car’s cup holder after he uses my car. I hate that in the past month he’s been to work 4 days and lied about where he’s been going the days he didn’t work. I hate that I’m on this site right now feeling sorry for myself.
I talked to his brother today and let him know that he needed help, that I needed his help. I don’t know what to do. My husband thinks what he’s doing is normal and I’m a bitch for challenging him. He pops pills when he gets angry. When he’s sad. When he’s busy and stressed. When he’s hungry. When he’s bored. I want to leave but don’t have anywhere to go, so he’ll need to find himself someplace else to sleep from now on. Where do I go from here?
Tiffany,
I am so sorry you are going thru all of this. I wish we could all magically make it like it was before, however, we can’t. We can however choose to reach out, which you did with your brother in law, we can choose not to be victims of addiction. I don’t want to be on this site either, or think and feel as i do so often, that all is lost…….it isn’t. The most loving thing we can do for our loved ones, is keep ourselves from being harmed by them while they are using mind altering drugs.
I keep reminding myself that if the awful behaviors of people addicted to drugs wasnt AWFUL! Then drugs would’nt be a problem. You neednt feel guilty for feeling all that you do. It is not fair that you, your husband, and your children are going thru so much heartache. You, your husband and your children did nothing to deserve this. That being said, you can only make choices about how to best manage the turmoil and hurt.
Going to an al-anon meeting is something you can choose. Everyone there will have experienced some or all of what you are going thru, some will share wisdom, some wont. I have been to a few now, and going allows me to feel like me again. I can step outside of my hurt, anger and self-pity…..the load lift s a little so i can find a calm place inside. My options become clearer when i can see them from a calm state of mind.. I wish you, your husband and your children the best as you go thru this challenge. I hope this note finds you and at least lets you know you and yours are in my thoughts.
Take gentle care,
Michele
Tiffany,
My post on this site is number 39 from kahea michele. That was an awful day, i had walked in and found my precious sons, (twins) smoking meth. I had looked for info on-line, the pictures, the possibility of losing them both nearly did me in, i have never cried so hard or so long in my life. My youngest son is on the autisim spectrum, dealing with that disorder was so painful, i didnt think anything could hurt that much….till i saw my twins smoking ice……it is the first time in my life i felt truly hopeless…..awful way to feel.
So, in the past two weeks or so, i have gone to a few al-anon meetings, and i called and made an appointment for myself with a counselor. I am feeling more positive (could it be the anti-depressents? LOL) about the process i need to go thru, to get where i need to be. It’s a little like putting my own oxygen mask on first, then putting it on my kids.
Hang in there Tiffany, this too shall pass.
Michele
I am new to this but am afraid I’m goin to lose my son. He is 29 years old and I have adopted 1 and about to adopt my other grandaughter which are his children. I’ve had both of them since birth. One is 5 now and the baby is 10 months. I’m not sure which drug my son is doin now but people have told me possibly meth. He looks like an X-ray and his girlfriend has sites all over her arms and face. I cried reading this article because I have done all of the above things. I guess I have been enabling. I would like to attend some na meeting so I can better understand. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you on here.
my boyfriend is on day three detoxing.he had been doing oxy 30’s for 10 years.i am so proud of him for making it this far.we have been together two years and I would give my soul if he could kick this addiction. Any advice from anyone?im still scared because we’ve been down this road before.
Hi teresa,
I too wish love was enough, giving every ounce of compassion were enough, there are millions of us who love and cherish someone addicted. I have been trying to change the way i view this. Here is what is working for me right now. If i was on a plane with my loved one, and they were unconscience, suddenly the air mask drops……….i MUST put my own mask on first even though my instinct is to take care of my loved one who is incapable of taking care of themselves……..seeking out others who also dearly love an addict, can help so much. Many have been where you are,felt what you feel, the stories similar….i always gain some new info, or emotional anchor. Little by little, the phrase “loving detatchment” starts to make sense. Like putting your own airmask on first, so that you are alive and able to respond in healthy snd loving ways. Love alone is not enough, or millions and millions of addicts would be cured. I think for every addict there are probably 10 people who “love” them.
I hope you will continue to reach out to others who can offer you compassion and wisdom…….take gentle care of yourself teresa.
Michele
Hi, I’m new to this site d/t my nephew needs to go back to a recovery house next week d/t his relapse with heroin. First for our family, we care deeply for him and want to help – all we do is pray. What else can we do???
I guess I should have stated more…I’ve read information online, I do believe finding a root cause is important – (#4 mentioned by others) – genetics, mental disorders including depression in young folks can lead to drug abuse…right?
i am a family member of a drug addict. based on my personal experience these 10 tips (although true for some) is not true for every person with an addiction. i know for a fact that some people do have a reason or thoughts that were the thing that made them weak enough to start up in the first place. i dont feel bad for them and i dont pitty them. i do know that family support is important on the road to recovery. i mean emotional support. self esteem tends to play a big role.
Some advice, just being there and being emotionally supportive. And letting your loved one know that you believe they can do this and that you love them. it makes such a difference. thats really all you can do but it makes all the difference.
I’m still searching for a way to be strong enough for my 24 yr old heroin addict daughter. All I do is cry every day and want to call her to make sure she is alive. After almost a year I have reached out for help from my doctor so I don’t go off the deep end.
With heroin on board my beautiful, caring daughter takes on the demeanor of a savage animal, with so much ugliness and anger. It’s like my daughter is completely gone. This is such an ugly time for us, it’s like I am mourning my daughter and trying to get someone back I may never know again. She has blocked my number so I use *67 to get passed it but when I do get her to answer, she treats me like I am the enemy instead of the drugs. How does that logic work??? Does the drugs make her forget all the love and memories we’ve ever had together?
Does anyone know, should I just stop trying to reach out to her (any maybe someday she will miss us)….or continue to try and contact her) making her mad each time) just so she knows we will never give up?
Please does anyone have any experiences to help me know what to do. Then being strong enough to do it is still going to be an issue for me as I am so distraught with worry.
I am married to a man that I knew was a cocaine addict when we married over 20 years ago. He says he has stopped but does now smoke marijuana every day. He is a functioning addict. Its ok he says because in California, marijuana is “legalized”. He has had affairs, I found out about a women that he was having an affair with that is half her age, “Jessica” and he acts that it was my fault because I was not “giving him what he wants, I was not making him feel like he was special.”
Started going in counseling but I still am with him. My counselor says that I am tied to this addict because my ego is tied to him. Reading this post shows that I’ve enabled him all this time, making bargains with him, acting like a martyr,.. My counselot says that I need to take care of myself, that i am not and was never responsible for his actions.
Thank you all for your posts. Stay strong as I will…
My husband and i have been married for 6yrs now. A month after our marriage i caught him red handed poppin pills.i concieved the nxt month..and he was under supplements..it didnt last though.over n over,the betrayals,the lies and everything inbetween..he went to a rehab centre at his own will in april.stayed for two months and the following three months were the best days in our marriage.however he relapsed in september.,we did home detoxing,didnt work so now he’s been admitted to the rehab centre again..i dont know how all this will ever become right.plus i just found out that i’m pregnant with a second child.i’m not sure if i should go tell him s im scared he might find it a reason to leave the rehab n come home..
Also i think he is not so much on pills anymore..i heard from his frens that he is using heroine instead…
Hi anne,
I wish you and your family the best of lifes offerings, including health, safety and peace of mind. It sounds like you could use support….the rehab facility may be able to offer you and your husband both guidance during this stage of your families recovery. Regardless of what is happening at home, your husband needs to learn how to live life on lifes terms, not his own.
By staying comitted to his reovery, you both stand a much better chance of providing safety and stability to your children, which they need in order to make good choices in the future. I encourage you to get some support from the counselors at the rehab center and from a group such as Ala-non, many people who attend those meetings have been where you are…they understand and may have wisdom to share that can help you make good choices for yourself and your babies.
I was in your position with my sons father, he chose to leave and i did’nt stop him. He died from a cocaine overdose a few years later. It might have happened even if he had stayed and pursued treatment, i dont know. Everything i wrote above is what i wish i had done in hindsiht. I have other family members who are addicts now…..i can only learn from my experiences, i know better than to believe an addict can help me by providing any kind of support, they must learn how to be sober first.
I hope this note lets you know you dont have to figure it all out by yourself, ask for support from those who CAN give it to you.
Best wishes to you and your family,
Kahea
Patricia # 42 please contact me we have similar stories. Would like to share one /one thru email. I am new to blogging and don’t understand it quite yet .
I have a daughter that is 31. She is addicted to heroin. She came to myself and my husband about 3 years ago and said she had been using heroin and wanted to stop. (We don’t know for how long.) We let her come home and stay, with her daughter.
I noticed that my daughter was leaving the house about six times a day. She didn’t say where she was going.
Sometimes, she would make up, what I thought was a good excuse, and she would leave her daughter with us and go.
After a while, I confronted her and told her I would find out anyway I had to what she was up to. So she confessed that she was back on heroin. I told her that I wanted to help her. I took her to a clinic where they got her on medicine to help her with the withdrawls. I can’t remember what the name of it is.
My husband and I helped her for a whole year, paying for this medicine and payed off all her bills with pay day loan places and banks that she had racked up for her drug use. We gave her, what we thought was a clean slate.
After a whole year, and thinking that she was well, she left home, went up to another city with a boyfriend that had been in jail and had just been released. We found out later that she had just been biding her time unitl he got out and could be reunited with him. He is also a heroin addict.
Now she has been back on heroin for about ten months. She has aquired a disease called MRSA. Her arms look like they have been eaten up by a flesh eating disease! She always has a way to get help, especially from her mom, (that;s me) who loves her and wants to help and comfort. She uses every line and scam to get me to do what she wants. I need help. Now that I have come to a realization that I have been an enabler, I want to know what to do. I am weak and so are some of the rest of her family. Please, can anyone direct me to where I can go to some support groups where I can get help. I know my daughter willl soon die if she does not get away from herion. Also, the MRSA will kill her if that doesn’t. My daughter has a big family of two parents and five brothers and sisters. We all love her and want her to get well but we don’t know what to do, if anything. Right now, I am in the mode of just waiting for that call that will inform me that my daughter is dead.
We don’t have money for anything else but what we have already done. I will be working a job for the next couple of years just to pay for what we have done to help, or what we THOUGHT was help.
One of our main concerns right now is what to do about her daughter that is thirteen and won’t leave either of their sides.
My Name is John. I will love to share my testimony to all my friends because i never believe i will have my girlfriend back. When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her Facebook and she changed her Facebook status.when i went to her to her place of work she told her friends she never want to see me.I tried all i could do to have her back with me but all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to meet my aunt.I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how she embarrass me in her place of work,he told me he is going to help me but don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him,he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back home the following day and i called him when i got home,he said he is busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 3 days that is Thursday. My girlfriend called me at exactly 10:35am on Thursday and apologies for all she had done, she said she never knew what she’s doing she promised not to do that again.It was like am hallucinating when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my girlfriend called me on phone apologies. Am posting this to the forum for everybody that is interested in meeting the man for help this is his email address :Ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com All i have to say is THANK YOU DOCTOR.
John or sandra whichever con artist u are…..GO AWAY! Find an honest way to EARN your money…..this site is here to support families of addicts….not for scum like you to take advantage of them……watch out i may put a hex on you!
BOO !
I recently found out that my 26 yr old son and his 23 yr old girlfriend are addicted to prescription pain killers. They were living with my ex in PA and my son was working at his fathers business. I live in NC with my husband of almost 5 yrs. On Thursday I received a phone call from my son that his father had caught him stealing money from the business to support his addiction. His father fired him and told him to go home and pack all his stuff and be gone by the time he got home from work.
My son and his girlfriend have admitted that they have a problem and want to get help. They packed everything they could in the back of his vehicle and drove to NC to stay with us. We spent most of Friday calling around trying to find help for them. Every call we made told us to call someone else. Why is it so hard for us to find them help? When an addict gets to the point where they know they need & want help to actually find a place to help them NOW?
Has anyone else had this problem as well?
I’m soothe acquisition from you, spell I’m improving myself. I perfectly liked indication everything that is typed on your place.Fix the tips forthcoming. I wanted it!
My heart is broken for my 10 year old grandson. He knows what his mother is doing and he feels hopeless. What can i do for him. I am disabled and unable to take him. What do i do? Very sad mother.
Reading this site gave me hope as I have none right now. Dealing with an addict in the family breaks you down and turns you into another person as well. I have never been so weak and vulnerable in my lifetime. I wake up and go to bed with fear in my heart. No matter how much we know to stop enabling, speak with love and concern, put your air mask on first…It is still no answer to have the pain removed from your heart. Nothing will make that go away and the challenge is, to learn to deal and live with that. My addiction is pain and suffering right now. Easier said than done but there really are no other options. I want my daughter back but believe somewhere in my heart she left me a long time ago.
I did not like to read about pain as I don’t wish anyone to be hurting I try to avoid pain of anyone as much as possible. I was looking for an an alanar program to cope with the little that I know. I have six sons and I have to say that all of them have done drugs and continue to do drugs I don’t know which ones they do I only know that last year I saw my youngest son age 24 looked like he could not see his way into the room. then later my other son was feeling his way around. recently he jumped through my glass patio door 4 flights up did not fall off the terrace. imagine how painful to go through two ply glass what next. I want to distance myself from the pain of seeing him hurt himself but at the same time I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him these stories have helped me see what I try to ignore than you for posting
I am so glad I read the 10 ways to help an addict. I have been going about it all wrong. I am the enabler. My daughter, 22 in a few days is a herion addict, thanks to choosing to follow her boyfriend. Believing she had control over this. I informed his parents, his insurance put him on a plane and got him into rehab right away. My insurance told us ” she needed to try outpatient first, and then needed to fail 2x’s at that before they would approve inpatient rehab. That was back in December of 2012. He went to rehab and from there move to another state with his mother and is doing fine. My daughter is not. Many people have told me to throw her out of my home, that I will not do, she is not human waste. But I do need to enforce the methods I first read. I do not want my daughter to hit the rock bottom that sends her out on the streets for more damage to come her way, but I am now ready to cut her off financially and stop enabling her. Hopefully this will bring her around to going to rehab as she has said she would do. I don’t believe in giving up, I have been thru may storms of my own, and I never gave up. I will not give up on my flesh and blood. If helping her means playing hard ball..well thats what I have to do. Thank you for writing this, I hope it helps many others.
I got married one week ago.
my husband had a past abuse of alcohol and pot.
he kicked that and had been good , but about a month ago his mood was different after he had been at a friends house. he was a touch more energetic. just slightly off.
he started to experience more depression.
I know what he is like when he drinks or does pot so didn’t look for anything else. I had asked if he used something , he denied.
so I let it go.
then he became lethargic,slurred speech etc for about 2 weeks but he had major foot/ leg trouble at the same time what we saw a doctor for.
together with knowing he was stressed with family coming for our wedding(so was I and I life with suiecidal depression. I survived it many years ago several times and am now strong enough the past 4 years to ask for help instead of going downhill).
we where under a great deal of stress on our wedding week and I figured he will settle down after and when family leaves again.
but when I had his phone I found out he is in contact again with the old crew,specifically one person who had been coming by at all hrs.
so I confronted him and told him I know he used the past week and that my instincts had been right 1 month ago too.
he uses cocaine, heroine and oxycodin.
on/off for about 9 years.
he is starting a program on Monday 5 days a week for 4 months.
but I basically had to kick him out of the house since I can not go down the stress myself.
between his parents and me we got him to seek treatment.
he is often alone at home.
he no longer gets paid. no phone. but his “buddies” know where we life and I already had to tell one to leave immediately or I would call the police.
I told his main supplier the same.
but im so scared that he wont be strong enough to say no when they come when he is alone.
I want to safe our marriage. I love him dearly.
I realize he needs to do the work.
how can I help best in that?
I have been reading a bit about al anon for family members and I think that is something that could support my emotions.
goodluck to all who life with this cycle.
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Bit my daughter also has four children.
What about them?
how do I stop enabling her without hurting my grandchildren?
My husband is addicted to pain killers I found out two years after we for married. When things got really but in April this year he ended up in rehab for a month things were ok until tonight he swears he is not doing anything and makes me doubt but I know deep down he just threw up ;( I am angry I am tired I feel terrible
Hello! I wish there was a better way to dealing with a loved one that is sick. We’ve tried helping him to go to rehab, that failed, we tried talking to him, that failed, and we don’t give him money or anything, that failed. That failed because he gets money from friends or he makes an IOU. Rehab doesn’t work unless he’s willing.. .And he’s never willing. Only once he was, then he backed out. Like god! I wish there was something we could do!
addiction is very powerfull we live a life of indinial selfisness dishonesty we dont choose to do that its a diasease which gets to our brain disceptors u need to hit rock bottom to make u realise shit i go to na meetings every day it helps me it might not help others somthing else might help that person JUST FOR TODAY keep coming bk if u want it to work peace nad god bless every one who wants to have a much much better life with out it crse i have now n its not scary to live n b normal u knw kk being loved is so pressaces just bein normal is good ppl
After being in relationship with him for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (dr.olokunspell2caster@gmail.com)tel.+2347051841955) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.Margareta
my name is Kayla
i want to tell you about my past and how blessed i am today. please i understand how it feels to be heartbroken.i have a 5years relationship with my boyfriend not until when he brought me an invitation letter that he was getting married to somebody else because i love him so much and we promise to live our lives together ever since my life have been filled with pains,heart break and i almost took my life because of him.A friend of mine told me how DR OLOKUN helped her to get her husband back together after 3year,before i contacted dr olokun(priestolokun1@yahoo.com)call number tel.+2347051841955 is the spell caster who cast a spell in two days my boyfriend and i are back together.i am so happy for what DR.Olokun had done for me and my family too it a miracle for me, life have changed for the best.i dont need to explain it more than this but for you to contact him and your life will change for the best i promise you.
Spellcasters? Really? LOL
This is great information. I am sharing this with my husband as we are dealing with his brother who is currently addicted to painkillers and has began shooting up. We are heartbroken, but angry because there is a small child being affected. I hope this article helps my husband and his family see what they are doing to enable to the situation, and what they could do differently.
Hi there everyone!!
I have a brother who is an drug addict (opioids) he was probably an addict for two years now. He finally came to.the family and told.us. pretty much my parents are very upset and all they do is blame and lecture him. I am his sister, I am stressed out and I really wanted to help him so much. Thank.goodness I found this site and read through the step. We gone too detox program.. he was okay for a week or so.. then he started over again. I’m very concern. And tough love is hard. It hurts to see your brother going through all of this.. I really do need some advice here and what to do … I don’t know where to start. I want other people feedback. Thank you! And God bless you all.
[…] Husband's Alcohol Abuse I did a quick search on the net: 10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem | A Daughter's Journey..… The comments section of the article shows many people trying to handle the addiction of a loved […]
my boyfriend is alcoholic he has come to recognize it and try to get help but where we live Iy is all about money. how can someone get help when it cost outrageous?
Hi. I have a friend who over the years has turned into an alcoholic and the last year she’s getting bad. We friends have tried talking to her about it but she’s really in denial. She lies about it and we know better. She will not go to A.A. or seek any type of help.
Here is the real problem: She has “hit-and-run” when drunk. Hit someone and fled the scene of the accident on more than one occasion…not knowing if that person was injured. She’s also run into parked cars and fled the scene.
Even worse yet: She works as a nurse in an elderly nursing home and passes drugs to patients and goes into work SO hung-over and I know the alcohol must still be in her system. She’s cut down to working only 3 days a week so she can drink more. She is single and lives alone. She’s all but shut out her sober friends and family and only hangs out with other drinkers from one certain bar.
You can’t beg someone into going to AA. It hasn’t worked.We who know her all agree the only thing that will stop her is if she gets put into jail where she can dry-out and be away from alcohol. Is there anything the police can do if we call so she can be followed home from the bar and arrested so she gets court-ordered to AA or put into jail?
Any advice?? Thanks
I am so glad to hear this womans friends are thinking this way! I encourage you to follow thru, if not for your friend, then for my family or some other family who might be sharing the road with her……she would thank you I am sure for not allowing her to kill an innocent child or a beloved grandparent in the nursing home…….please act soon, talk to the police or a counselor who can direct you….again, thank you on behalf of the person or family whom your actions might save!
Hello i am from UK i want to thank Dr OLOKUM for what he has done
for me at first i taught he was scam but until i just decided to
follow my mind.i told him that my ex lover which i loved with all my
heart left me for another all Dr OLOKUM did was to laugh and said he
will be back to me in 4days time i taught he was lying on the 2rd day
my ex called me and said he wanna see me,i was shocked then he came
over to my place and started begging that he was bewitched,immediately
i forgives him and now we are back and he his really madly in love
with me.All thanks to Dr OLOKUM, he indeed wonderful incise you wanna
contact him here his is private mail lavederlovespell@gmail.com
Bullshit! Go get a job, or an education…….let others live with dignity….even if YOU cant!
God bless you anyway!
The above photo of “molly stacey” is Not molly stacey…….run a google image search…..SCAM ALERT!
Hello, I was glad to see I am not alone in the struggles with a loved one spiraling out of control….I found myself crying at every one of your posts…there is so much pain the addict puts on the family. If my sister thats a alcoholic can write a book about her life you would not know if it would sell in the fiction or nonfiction section…this dysfunction has been going on for 15 years, but has came to a head… she is now on the streets…after enabling and thousands of dollars of my retired mothers money..we stopped after she was kicked out of a sober living home with the manager calling me saying she is drunk with a bottle of vodka in her bed..after only being there 5 days..with lossing rent money again…..the next day she told my mom..it wasnt my bottle and she had the flu..they all hated her in their…lol..thats been pretty much the story every were she goes…she is the victim.. its never her fault and omg I cant believe your not beliveing me right now..omg how dare you Not believe me! I have no soul left to keep this rotation up.. bailing her out and appologizing for her..packing up her belongings.. buying her new stuff cuz stuff was left behind At every place she goes. There is not a hot enough shower I can take to clean off the dysfuction of this ugly addiction.. 3 weeks ago..before the sober living insident..my mother and I walked into her room at a roomates house with 13 bottles empty on the floor by the bed…that was a 911 call..tonight I went grocery shopping with tear in my eyes…I watch tv and have no idea what I just watched…I am broken.so is my mother..to much stress for to long…after awaile its me with the problem of keeping on keeping on…fool me once shame you fool me 300 times…..shame on me….I have post tramatic stress..its sad..because I had such a passion for life…im jumping off this sinking ship to save my own life.
WONDERFUL MAN THAT GIVE MY FAMILY JOY AND HAPPINESS AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ,
I AM SO SORRY FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE CONTACTED A WRONG SPELL CASTER AND THIS ONLY WAY OF SUCCESS OF SPELL
Hello To The World At Large, my name is, From mexico. I will start by saying to all that have experience heart break and also cant do with out there lover should please stop here and read up my story, So as you will know how to go solving or getting your ex back from this spell caster AND AGAIN I WANT TO ALSO TELL ALL THIS SPELL CASTER, I WILL WANT TO TELL THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT IS HARMLESS AND DO NOT HAVE ANY SIDE EFFECT, BUT TO RESTORE AND GIVE YOU BACK WHAT YOU DESIRE, COS WHEN I MEET WITH THIS SPELL CASTER THAT WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY THE WIFE OF MY BOSS IN MY WORKING PLACE, HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE CAN CAST SPELL ON SO MANY OTHER PROBLEMS EXCEPT IN GETTING YOUR EX OR MAKING YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU MORE THAT WILL SUITE YOU. Last year December, My lover was cheating on me and was not also give me the attention that a man should give to a woman, And really that was troubling my mind and tearing my heart apart to the extent that i was not concentrating in the office the way i use to before the break up by my lover.And before that incident,I always see how my boss use to love his wife so much. I was binging to think that i was not doing the right thing to him that will make him love me forever, So i really gathered my courage and went to my boss wife office to ask her the secret that made her husband love her so dearly,In the first place she refused in telling me,She asked me why i am asking her such a question,That if is it not normal for every man to love his wife.I told her the reason that made me ask her about this question, That my lover started cheating on me lately, When i knelt down before her for her to see my seriousness in this issue that i went to ask her, She opened up to me by telling me that i should not tell anybody about what she want to tell me, The wife to my boss started to say to me that she used a very powerful spell on his husband to love her, And the spell that she used is harmless, But the spell is just to make him love her and never to look for any other woman except her. I QUICKLY ASK HER HOW DID SHE GET TO KNOW THIS GREAT, POWER, DURABLE AND PERFECT WORK SPELL CASTER, she said that a friend of hers also introduce her to him. Then i also ask her how i can meet with this spell caster. SHE SAID EVERYTHING TO ME, THAT THE NAME OF THIS SPELL CASTER IS DR.WILLIAMS UMORU. My next question to her was how can i get this wonderful spell caster, She said she is going to give me the email of the spell caster for me to contact him for my problem, really she gave to me this spell caster email and i contacted him and explained all to him, And after every thing that needed to be done by the spell caster, In the next three days, My lover that hated me so much came to my house begging for forgiveness and i was so glad that i have finally gotten my heart desire..I was so grateful to this spell caster for what he has done for my life.. So i made a promise to him that i will always continue telling the world about his wonderful work towards me and also to other that came to you before and also the people that will also get to you from my story that i narrated online now..I will want to say to the entire world that you should not cry over noting again, That there is a great man that has been helping individuals to restore there Joy and smile !! The direct email to get to dr Williams is : {spellwarlords@gmail.com} ,This is what i want to tell you all for more enlistment contact me with this email address:mrsjulliana@gmail.com.. he is so powerful and helpful…..
Spellcasters are SCAMS….all of them…..go away!
My oldest daughter has struggled with addiction starting with alcohol to Estasy to Molly then to Meth. Anybody that thinks one addiction does not lead to another is mistaken. Addiction can be a very fast progression which it was for my beautiful girl. Addiction takes its toll on the addict and their family. I can not tell you what hell we have all been through. and how we played a part in through enabling..a DUI, 2 inpatient rehabs, 2 out patient rehabs, homelessness, stealing from the family, paying for attorneys, 5 stints in jail, enabling with money and paying for a rental home as well as a car only to evenutally having to kick out my daughter from her home where she ended up two days later in jail and served a 3 month sentence. Addiction makes a person literally not care about morals, love, life…infact an addict loaves themself. However, there is hope…my daughter hit her bottom and we eventually opened our hearts again by staying close but having strict boundaries…no money, must go back to school, no old friends, going to therapy, etc…these boundaries are necessary for us to all live under the same roof however we do now that utilimately the decisions my daughter makes are her own. This has been a long road and yes there are times that you fele like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop but we have come to the conclusion we must life for us…the lifeguard can not save anyone until they save themselves. My daughter is now a year sober and has finished two semesters of college. I tell her everyday how much I love her and how proud I am….one day at a time. We are so thankful for my daughters life…once you get that close to the edge of losing someone you don’t realize how far someone can fall…I do understand now if someone says they lost their loved one to the streets…
My son, 31, came to me yesterday to talk to me about his narcotic pain killer addiction. I had suspected for awhile, especially after he broke his femur this past summer and there were several times he could barely have a conversation. We have, and I do mean WE, gone down this path before with his teen addictions, his alcohol addiction/use in his early 20’s, and now this. To his credit, he did get dry from the alcohol and drugs about 5 years ago after a 6 month inpatient treatment which was court ordered due to his numerous DUI’s. Currently, he owns a business and just bought a home, so he is afraid of losing them and losing his focus on life; again, I will give him credit for that acknowledgment. I did tell him though that I will not go through what I did when he was using alcohol: losing time from work for his court appearances, driving him everyday to his classes when he was on Huber, and finally the emotional turmoil which it cost me. I love him and will back his decision to go through with Saboxone rehab and counseling; however, I will not pay for it and he cannot live with me. Privately, I feel helpless and like most mothers, would just like to understand and make their child better; however, it is my son’s burden to seek the help to help himself. Oddly enough, my son was born with a rare form of cancer at birth with a less than 10% chance of survival and we both came through that, so I guess I will need to always live in hope with him that he will survive this as well.
This site is amazing and is what I’ve been looking for so long. I grew up with an alcoholic father, married a man who became an alcoholic, then two of my three children became addicts. I’m still with my husband, and I’ve learned to live my life even though he really doesn’t participate in it. My daughter, who was on heroin, is in recovery, and has been clean now for over two years. She is on a methadoon programe that is working fantastic for her. Yet my son, who had been involved with drugs since he was 17 and now is 35, is worst now then ever. I grew up learning how to be an enablealer. Now I’m just outright sick and tired of dealing with the addictions. I can tolerate my husband’s drinking, he just comes home and passes out and doesn’t really bother me, except maybe calling me periodically to ask where I’m at. But my son’s drug addiction it ten times worst. I tried for years to help him, only to no avail. Everyone one around me says to stop helping him, even my daughter. Then when I get to a point to do that, I have to actually cut him off in communication to me and everything. It’s the only way I can survive it. Yet it is the hardest thing to do in my life. I get sick to my stomach, and consistantly think about him. I have to “pretend” he doesn’t exist to get through it. Then one day I take his phone call and I have to start all over again. Everyone told me to tough love my daughter when she was on heroin.I didn’t listen, I knew she didn’t choose this. Thank God I knew my daughter, cause I went and got her, brought her home and she’s 100% better. She is the joy of my life. My son, however, won’t listen to me. Tough love maybe the only thing that stops him. God Help us All
HOW I ALMOST LOST MY EX FOR ANOTHER WOMAN
My name is Vanell from USA.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i met a man called DR UNOKO. He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i am now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address:dr.unokospelltemple30@gmail.com or call him on +2348103508204.
I want to tell everybody that the Love Spell works very fast than i taught. I couldn’t believe when after 3 months without sighting my eyes on my girlfriend, she just came back to me saying she still loves me and she wants me back. I own my thanks to Dr.Eziza you truly a great spell caster, you can reach Dr.Eziza on ezizaoguntemple@gmail.com.com or +2348058176289 is an incredible man, give him a try and you will not believe your eyes!”.
[…] 10 ways to help a family member with an addiction problem. […]
This is a great post. When I work with families at ExecuCare, I suggest they help their loved one build healthy coping skills. Stress in an unavoidable factor in life. Helping your loved build strong coping skills is crucial to them sustaining a healthy recovery. You can do this by being there to listen or talk as they process stressful experiences. Or reminding your loved one of coping strategies during stressful situations or when dealing with cravings.
I just sat down and read 97 Responses to “10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem” My situation is similar to alot of others in many many ways. My son is a dual addict.He is an alcoholic, a heroin addict, a meth addict, a prescription drug addict(he buys pills off the street),as well as a methodone addict.He sells drugs to support his habit, so he is in constant contact with drugs.He has been to rehab only once,about a year and a half ago, when he asked me for help and I helped him get into a county funded detox center.He completed the program, came out clean but did not continue with the recommendation to enter into an extended 90 day program.He was back to his addictions within a month.He has OD’d 5 times on heroin.Right now he is at the point were he is telling us on his own, that he is going to get help and get clean, but does not follow thru.Has been saying this for the past 4 to 5 months.We; myself and his brothers, see him spiraling down and not acting on any promises he makes to get help.Our lives are all an exact copy of those family members that shared their pain and feelings in this post.My son is 38 years old. He is the oldest of 5 sons.His brothers are seriously talking about restraining him with tie straps(or going to an Army Surplus Store and buy handcuffs) until he breaks.I don’t agree with this.I don’t think it is very safe, but they say they know he won’t go for help on his own and that he will be extremely angry at first, but that he will thank them later.If we could afford the $30,000.00 that we are quoted for an intervention, we would go that route.But between all of us, we just don’t have anything close to $30,000.00.I have even written in to the Intervention Program on TV and sent a video of him with a needle in his arm and so far out of touch he didn’t even know what time of day it was.The best we can come up with is a committment to make $500.00 monthly payments but we have had no luck in finding a center that provides intervention services and treatment services.My sons are feeling so desperate, they say they cannot just sit back and wait until he dies.This is how they came up with the thought to restrain him until he breaks his addictions.Besides it being illegal, which makes it a crime, what other thoughts does anyone have one this?PLEASE PRAY FOR US.
I know how you feel. My son is 35. The last thing I ever thought he would do is shoot up, but I’ve found out that he has. It’s been a total roller coaster ride since he was 17. Right now he’s at home, is probably still getting high, but not “stung out”. I’ve told him I need to have drug tests done if he wants to continue to live here, but that threat doesn’t bother him, he’ll just move out. My husband wants him out, my daughter, who use to use heroin, says her Dad is right, let him live on the streets long enough till he’s sick and tired and gets help on his own. I, being the Mom, whose done everything ever possible to change him, help him, tried it all, has now accepted the fact that he isn’t going to change unless he does it himself. So I’m prepared for him to move out in the next week or so at the most. He can’t seem to stay away from the party life and what that life brings. You can’t restrain your son. You can’t make him go into rehab. Don’t waste you money. What you can do, is seek counseling for yourselves to help you learn how to deal with an addict. I thank God every day that my daughter is back and clean and living a normal life. I use to think that if I took care of all my son’s problems, bills needs etc. he’d straighten up. Well it’s thousands later, 2-3 rehabs, (which if he’s homeless and jobless) he can get for free through the State if he applies. It’s so hard to sit back and watch someone destroy their life. I keep trying to get through to my son, who doesn’t seem to be as bad as what your son is right now, but he’s been there. I try to get into his head. Talk about things he wants in life, how he feels about himself and what his plans and dreams are, but I don’t get straight answers all the time. I just hope that one work out of ten sinks in. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. I have noticed that since I’ve backed off on paying for things, he’s having to half to do something for them now, rather then me footing the bill. So I have to keep up the tuff love and maybe it will work. Good Luck
An amazing testimony of a spell caster that help me get my ex lover back to me. you have problem finding true love, you have marital problems, you have problems having children, or you want to prosper in your business, the solutions to your problems are finally here.Before, i was having having problems with my boyfriend which make him hate me so much that even lead to breakup and left me for another woman, until a friend of mine directed me to this man called Lord Ferdinard, i contacted him and he start to cast the spell immediately, then he help me and i get my boyfriend back in peace, i am very much thankful to Lord Ferdinard that helped me, so i must tell the people how good he his and I will advice you to contact him through this email (lordspiritualtemple@gmail.com) you can also contact him via mobile number +2348135405983…. i highly recommend him …
I cannot thank you enough. Baba voodoo my ex just called me and wanted to see me. I agreed to see him the next day. He said he had been thinking about me and would like us to get back together. On the second day after contacting you, he told me he broke up with the other woman and has told her that he and I are back together. He has not yet asked me to marry him, but so far, is great. I am a firm believer and I am forever thankful for your help. I am sure you will be hearing from me again. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. For those who are heart broken you can be happy like me by contacting him BABAVOODOOSPELLTEMPLE1@HOTMAIL.COM or call him now +2348103508204
Maria
I am very concerned about my fiance which is also my 4 year olds father. I’m scared he is going to kill himself because he likes pills like xanax n pain pills n takes way to many but says he’s fine when I can clearly see he isn’t. Im sad that im going to wake up or come home from work n he’s going to be lying there dead n my children are going to find him with my youngest being 4 which is his son . I don’t know what to do cause he won’t go get help himself. One time he even took pills he didn’t know what they were or what they did n slept all day. Is there anything I can do with him not being my husband. We have been together for 9 years n this is the worst I’ve ever seen him …….. can Someone please help me im desperate.
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Hi My name is “BEKAR JOE” just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage.because i really love SONNIA so much that i can not even do without. I was married for 15years with lilian and 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy with us. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him via (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it.call him +2348156885231
My son lives 1,000 miles from me and I just found out he Is an alcoholic, he has has always had problem with drinking, but I thought he had gotten it under control/ he hadn’t and his wife and 2 year old son moved out yesterday to try and get him to realize the damage he is causing…..you 10 steps has put it in perspective of how I need to proceed thanks
My girlfriend left me to be with another man. I was desperate to get her back, I’ve wasted so much time and money on getting my lover back after I have tried almost all possibilities to have her back and nothing worked. I was alone 2 years. To make it short Then I found dr Adugu by accident. I don’t know how I found him, I don’t remember. But, when I first saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last shot. After the spells, a miracle happened, my girlfriend called me and asked me to meet her in the restaurant where we usually go to eat. So i did, and that night we ended up sleeping together. anyone who needs help, should email Adugutempleofsolution@gmail.com He is the best.
Name:Alexis Raphael
Country:USA
My mother is addicted to crack cocaine and it has affected me in a lot of ways . At one point I thought I was the addict because of how much I thought about my mother and her health , safety , appearance , and state of mind . My mother went into rehab and was 3 yrs clean until stress that she couldn’t handle made her relapse . It only took 3 months for her to almost loose everything or probably still is . I was lost I felt like a lonely soul because the loving mother I once known doesn’t even call to check on me . She asked me to help her by going cold turkey but that didn’t last but for 2 or 3 days . My mother loves me I can tell but the drug is taking over her .. I decided to pack my bags and leave hoping she would really see how this drug is affecting her . I didn’t know what else to do after seeing her violent behavior when she is high has scared me to even being around her another reason I left . I’ve read that the only way to let an addict seek help is for them to reach the bottom . I don’t know what I should do my mother is my best friend how can I see her go through what she is facing . With no money for rehab what can I do ?
I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru. You did the best thing by leaving to save yourself. I know you may have heard this before but the saying is true ” they have to hit their own rock bottom “. Everyone’s bottom is different. I found this site when I found out my daughter was a herion addict. She is clean today and she did this on her own. The insurance company was not helpful in getting her into rehab. They said she had to fail outpatient twice before paying for her to go. The story is long so I won’t go into it all. It is terrifying watching someone you love destroy themselves due to an addiction. But they have to want the change, only then can the healing begin. I gave my daughter a choice. I am grateful for the choice she made. I realized I could not make her stop but I also was no longer going to destroy my life in the process. I do not agree with the people who told me to throw her out. People are not human waste. But I did offer her a choice as I no longer could afford to continue to enable her. Find yourself a support group. You need support during this time as much as your mother will when she makes the choice to get healthy again. As hard as it will be do not support her addiction. Do not let her destroy your life as well. Remember your mother has to want this for herself and it can’t be for anyone else but her. Never give her cash, a meal yes, but never money. My daughter was 22 when she made the choice to quit her addiction. She rehabed herself at home. I supported her, but I never gave her cash. She is clean in school and working again. But it was her choice. God speed to you, and please remember to get some support for yourself.
My dad is a crack user and all of my friends and people I know know this, it is extremely embarrassing and I can’t help but love him. I want him to drop this disgusting habit as I am worried about the long term. He cannot admit it to me that he is a crack head but I know, I am thinking about ringing some sort of helpline on him as he does not understand how much this is hurting me
My husband has been using ice for a year now. We have 3 kids and one on the way. I threaten to leave but he always twist things around and says that I’m selfish and I’m trying to find an excuse to leave him. He says he’ll take the kids. He says he’s a responsible drug addict because he takes care of his family and holds a job. He’s not the same. I just want my old husband back. He’s so mean now..
I have lost hope and faith is eluding me. God help me find the right path. God bless all of you in the same boat God bless my son, my nephew, my niece and our families
Probably all this testimony you read about spell casting online are spam right?And yeah some are spam some think all of them are spam which is totally not bad and i also know some believe spell casting really works but have not been able to find the right one. Well i think i found the right spell caster Metodo. I know he is real not cos he helped me but because i was there in his temple i Have seen him and his temple and i tell you it can’t get more really that what am writing now. I know you may want to know why and what lead me to contact a spell caster i am a south African woman here in south African as a matter of fact in Africa having a male child is like the most important thing in a marriage and it turned out that i am married to a very traditional man as in a he believes the male child carry the family name on and on but the females get married and change there name which is true. I were married for six years and i had no male child for him .Maybe friends and family filled his head with a lot of things like i don’t have a male child for him and as a result he need to get a divorce and get another wife that can bear him a male child. I always thought the people that filled his head with this ideas where is family and friends the people that i smile and dine with. The very people who ought to have advice him rightly. I never found out if they where involved in wanting to ruin life and my marriage. Not because i could not find out but cost i didn’t want to develop hatred for them cos i will always get to see them and it is not really healthy seeing the faces of people you hate. At that time, i mean before i knew my husband got himself a lover i was paranoid about him having a lover cos our lives changed a lot he starting coming home late he wouldn’t touch me any more and even he started avoiding me in our home making up excuses to stay all day in his study room doing nothing and telling me his need something off to clear his head. We had fights all the time i brought up the matter if he was see someone else. Maybe he got tired of lying i don’t know he finally asked for a divorce. A divorce my family saw him through his university and got him a got job i told myself and now he’s asking me for a divorce cos i don’t a male child yet for him. He was ready to let go of his three beautiful daughters he asked that i take them along. Maybe he was a real f**l and didn’t know what he had and maybe he didn’t deserve someone like me but one thing was crystal clear to me i was still in love with him and i wanted a complete family for my kid that and the fact that i raised him from the gutter i didn’t care about any of his problem when i married him and i forgot to say my father never approved our marriage but still i jumped into it thinking we are going to have each other forever. Though we are still together now but its cos of the spell i had metodo cast on him to make him see how much he needs me in this life. When i contacted metodo he asked that i get the materials for the spell which i did and delivered the materials to him in person that is to say i came in contact with him. I was to return in to his temple in 7 seven day and within those seven day he gave me a blessed a red candle asking that i command and say whatever i wanted every night within those seven days which i did on the seventh day when i returned to metodo temple he gave a harmless powerful substance with instruction on how to use it. This might seem like fiction or lie or what ever you lucky reads may think but deep down you know it true you just looking for a way not to get involved. I ve got my husband back and my family life couldn’t be better thanks to the spell though i don’t have a male child for him at least his them lover bore him one. contact him with his email if you want his help metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com
My husband is addicted to crack . I have finally kicked him out of the house because of this . He has constantly overdrawn our checking acct to get the drug . I don’t know what else to do other than keep him away from me . Am I doing the right thing ? I haven’t ever had to deal with this and really don’t know how to deal with it . He says he is sorry and will straighten up for a while then sneak off and do it again . . I’m fed up with the I’m sorry . Am I doing the right thing ?
Since my breakup of my 6 year relationship, I tried everything possible to get my girl back but nothing worked, she wouldn’t even return my calls. Then I took a chance on kasalovespell@hotmail.com, I still can’t believe how incredibly it worked. my opinion, this is the best spell caster on repairing a breakup you will ever find. Thank you.
I am Mr joe from USA, i am really happy that i and my wife are cured of HIV with the
herbal medicine of Dr okowa, i have been suffering from this disease for the past
4years without solution until i came across the email of this great doctors,( drokowaspelltemple@ gmail.com ) who have cure so
many people with his herbal medicine, i also chose to give him a chance to help me and
my wife, he told me what to do and i kindly did it, and he gave us his herbal medicine and direct me on how to use, i also follows
his direction for use and he ask us to go for a check up after 2week and which i did, to my greatest surprise our result came out
as negative, we are really happy that there is someone like this DR okowa, who is ready to help anytime any day.to all the readers and viewers that is doubting this testimony stop
doubting it and contact this Dr and see if he will not actually help you. i am not a stupid
man that i will come out to the public and start saying what someone have not done
for me. he is really a great man contact him now, drokowaspelltemple@ gmail.com
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been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like
(1)If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3)You want to be promoted in your office.
(4)You want women/men to run after you.
(5)If you want a child.
(6)[You want to be rich.
(7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8)If you need financial assistance.
(9)Herbal care
Contact him today on: Drokowaspelltemple@gmail.com
I just wanted to say thank you for all.my ex lover is back now. That very powerful spell to STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex husband back – as you claimed.email him for help at d.rrivershebalisthome@gmail.com Thank you for all your help.
Anna Korkova, FL, USA
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My name is Tugas swanky am from Germany, am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for a good Samaritan who can help,doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 26hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text,the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can’t afford to loose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cluaralle. Since then I was confuse don’t no what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this email (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com) that I should tell her all my problem that she can help that was how i contacted her and I do as instructed. After 3days and I have done what she ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle she also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted her am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you are any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)
My boyfriend is a heroin addict he admitted he is sick a week ago. He has pawned my things and is now asking for help only cause I told him he needs to let me go and be happy with someone else. Since he can’t stay clean. He took my kids with him to buy heroin, my innocent babies. I love him but maybe it’s only the old him. I told him he is making me sick, and if he can’t get over this he has to walk away and do what’s best for us. He went to his first na meeting two days ago he said they help especially when he is craving, because someone else is going/has gone through what he is going through and they all support each other in a way. But how do I know he is not out there getting more heroin? Will I ever be able to trust him or do I have to remember he is an addict?
Have never believed in the supernatural or talk less of spell or even voodoo. In my head there was nothing on earth that was ever going to get me involved in such thing but life as we know throw s**t at your door and some how the doors opens up and let it strike you. ************* About five years ago if anyone had asked me if i trust my twin sister with my life, believe me i would bet my life on it that i can. I couldn’t even bring myself to think that my twin sister can put a knife at my back Yes i know everything about our childhood and youth age was always about who is better that who in everything and frankly i was better that me in academic aspect of life. I was smarter more skilled that her but this ought to be no reason to want to have every guy that was dating me or should it? cos the last i checked twin protect themselves not try and hurt the other. That was what my twin sister is all about. Even though we looked identical she was cuter than i was. She had her way around boys more that i did. Like she knew how to get what she want in whatever way she wanted it from both boys and girls. I don’t know, she had a way or rather she was good at messing around with peoples brain not like in a psychic way, it was more like all about her body. In other words you can say she was very sexy, attractive and hard to resist. I have always had to work very had to get what i want but she, things just falls in her lap without having to labor for it. She falls for every guy she knows i like. I mean every guy i dated in high school broke up with me to date her and it was really hurtful for me. I thought it was just high school and boys cos in college it wasn’t like that and for the first time in forever, not that i thought but the comparison between us over. Some how the old life we had arose again this time it happen that the guy my sister fell for, fell for me and i fell for him also i made sure it was okay with her before i went on the first date with him. I don’t want this to seem like a story so i will just cut to the chase. My twin sister was having an affair with my long time boyfriend the every guy one we both fell for but picked me. I mean i only found out the day he told me was no longer want to be with me that he was in love with my twin sister and he has been cheating on me with her. This was after four year of dating. I was heart broken and i wished to God that he had told me he was sleeping with me and my twin sister when our relationship was still young i would have like always, backed down and let them bask in what ever they think they were doing. But no they waited and in the process i fell deeply in love with him. I mean who wouldn’t fall for him he was cute caring and always knew what to say at the right time. I know i ought to have been mad at him for what he did but i was more mad at my sister for what she did cos i mean if she had turned him down he would have left her on her own and she was not even sorry for what she did to me. she became my twin sister in high school all again wanting to hurt and ruin my life steal the man i love. Heaven knew i was in love with this guy and hating him was not even an option for me all the hatred was channeled to my twin sister cos some how she made him hers. I lived in pain for a whole year having to see her face every family thanksgiving day with the man i love sitting side by side kissing him and hugging maybe to piss me off or something it only made me hate her more and more desperate to get my boyfriend back. I got him back finally yes i did, but i can fail to say i did not use the normal way. Metodo Acamu help me cast a spell to kill their relationship and rekindle ours to how we were before they started their affair. In case you asking asking yourself how possible it is believe me i don’t know and won’t tell you i understand cos like i said i never in my life thought it would result to me using a spell or something but there is one thing i know is that the spell worked for me and made my love fall in love with me again. There not much i can say to emphasize how the spell worked all i know is that i was asked to get some materials for the spell of which i was to buy and go present the materials myself to Metodo Acamu or send over or send the expenditure to him to get the materials need for the spell. To me it was less expensive to wire the cash to him to get the materials cos they are the expert in it. But i know in the end METODO ACAMU pulled through with the spell and made me whole again. Like honestly my main purpose for writing this was to let those out there know that other comment about METODO on the internet is really cos here i am tell you my story it can get anymore real than it is already. I can never forgive my twin sister even though i have got my love back. Use this email address as METODO ACAMU contact {metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com} note, do not space this email address when contacting him……..
So what does that leave? I’m getting help for myself and I’m taking care of our daughter, but what am I supposed to do when the addict is the provider in the household? I just allow him to treat me badly and lie to my face?
Is the only option to leave and let him fall on his face? Either way he’s still the father of our daughter and he’s going to want time with her…if we leave I’m afraid his addiction will really get out of control and I’m terrified something will happen to her under his watch.
What happens when the addiction is part and parcel of severe and persistent mental illness? My son is on medication, wants to quit, goes to meetings and is unable to last more than a week or two.
[…] https://leapoffaith21103.wordpress.com/2007/01/29/10-ways-family-members-can-help-a-loved-one-with-a… […]
I,m a herion addict and trying to find help i live in cali by palmsprings and have medymedy for insure can anyone. Help
My husband is in jail and ask that I bail him out with his own money. I don’t want to bail him out but since its his money what should I do? His a crack addict and been away for five weeks. Just need some advice and suggestions. If it was my money I have no problem with leaving him in there but since he has money to bail him out, what should I do?
My mother has been a pill addict since I can remember. Over the past 10 years it has gotten so much worse. She could not even hold her head up and we would find her past out on the floor in random places of the house, she received a DUI. It goes on and on. But recently she threatened suicide and they put her threw a rapid detox program. She called telling me she was coming home clean. Happiest day of my life right, no I knew better than to get my hopes up. She has been home a week and is already taking Lyrica and Lorazepam again. She said we need to meet her half way. Yesterday she was dropping cigerettes and passing out in the car again, she said she was just tired. But believe me I know the difference. She was on Soma, oxycontin, oxycodone and Pristiq with the lorazepam and lyrica. And the saddest part is a doc wrote her scripts for all of this. Of course when I addressed her passing out yesterday she got mad. I told her to just keep me out of her life until she is 100% clean. This is very hard for me I am very close to my mother. But I do not know what else to do.
I wish one of these sites would be able to help people without pushing them at the christian cult of the anonymous groups. Where is the help for people who aren’t christians? Do you not care about people who don’t believe what you do? Pitiful and disgusting, religion is only another destructive addiction to replace one that can actually make you feel good for a second or two.
dear all i need help my husband to be is using drugs and i thaink tha he puts that before me and my daughter.any help please
Locate your nearest rehab centers at http://www.youraddictionsolutions.com
This comment i Susan is placing is not like the day by day advert you read online before!! Its a comment that you must read to avoid been ripped off and know the real spell caster on earth God sent to change and turn lives around without any harm / side effect.
I am so over joyful as my month can not start to say all that really happened, It happened when i saw Ajayi advert online talking about been the best when there are so many spell casters online that i have used that has failed me.I spent almost close to $8000 dollars online for those spell casters that ripped me off my money without any result. But when i saw Dr Ajayi advert online saying that there is no spell caster like him and so many other testimonies about him from various people and from various countries in the world were it was written that ololo spell temple is the best that there is non to be compared to his work, Already i have personally take a decision never to apply to any spell caster online again after loosing such amount of funds on line to those scammers.But i don’t really know what drew my spirit / attention to that advert online that faithful afternoon, { I call it a faithful afternoon because all i desire was granted to me. } There was an email at the end of his advert and on the good comment from the FBI and various people about him, I decided to send him an email telling him my problem about my lost job, money that i have lost to scammers and also having problems with the love of my life that i want to get married to. After some few minutes i received an email from him that contain the spell application form that i filled out and he told me that to get my spell casted that i will have to get some items that i could not get here when i went in-search for it. He said if i can not get the items, That is going to cost me an amount of just $390 dollars for my kind of case that i told him about which i doubted to be another scam online, As i have read so many tips online that money should not be sent to someone you do not know via western union / money gram payment information’s. And Dr Ajayi insisted that i will be sending money to his messenger via this wire means. I was so skeptical because i was scammed in such a way of $700 dollars before,But this same spirits that attracted me to his advert told me inside again that this spell caster is real and noting but real that i should go ahead and send him the amount since i know that there is no how i can get the items that he told me that will be needed for my case. I sent him the charges through his messenger to please help me get the item with the money to get my spell casted.He promised me that in the next 5 to 7 hours that i will start to see results after the spell has been casted to get the love of my life back and others. I could not believe this because i have really been scammed and ripped off too many times for me to just believe till it works. To be sincere i almost faint as i was filled with so much excitement and happiness when my lost lover for over almost 9 months call was entering my phone and i picked the call were he ask if we can see to take things over and also my boss called me to tell me to come for training on my terminated job also due to too many thinking that in the office that result to it. Then in the next 2 days the FBI called to tell me that they have been able to get the scammer that is with my money. I am so proud and happy to spread the good-news about this man because he surprised me in his wonderful and powerfully work that restored back to me my heart desires. One thing that i also loved about this man is that he is understandable and he reduce or negotiate how much you can get for the work you want him to help you with. You want to meet with this great,most powerful spell caster that is 100% scam free,Just send your emails to this email: ajayiololo @ yahoo. com as you will get help from him without any disappointment.
I just got my 16 year old back and i got told she was on crack. What can i do
Hello, I been in a relationship almost two years now. My boyfriend is a recovering drug addict. He has relapsed 4 times since we have been together. I’ve enabled him each time, however NO MORE!!! Where do I draw the line? Should I let him go or should I support him by visiting NA meetings with him? It’s always on my mind that he will relapse again. According to him he’s been on drugs and in and out of rehabs for most of his life and he’s 57yrs old. This last relapse got him a serious charge and he said this was his lesson, no more drugs. Do I believe that and continue supporting him? I love him and he’s a wonderful person.
I am so grateful to have found this article and each time I find myself wavering – I read it again. Number 8 on the list of 10, has stopped me numerous times during the last few days from unblocking my cell phone and opening a line of communication back to my son.
I packed his bags and put him out of my house on Saturday. Couldn’t take any more of his alcohol and drug addiction hell.. This article may very well have saved his life – and my sanity too. I don’t know where he is and I know he is angry, hurt and afraid
Parents are the worst offenders when it comes to enabling. Most addicts would probably get clean if it weren’t for loved ones covering up lies, giving money, jobs, cars, paying rent, speeding tickets, court costs, lawyers, doctors bills, therapy bills, etc. most of the time the money doesn’t even go towards the intended item anyway so it’s all wasted and the parents might as well be buying the drugs for their kids. It’s sad to watch how addicts will lie and manipulate their loved one to get the drugs. They will plan far in advance the lies they are going to tell, planting the seeds of manipulation to get money. Addiction is a sick sick disease and the loved ones that stay oblivious and don’t grow balls enough to stop enabling are just as sick as the addict. It’s like they want the kid to get clean but gave no intention of ever calling them out or holding them accountable. I’ve wittnessed some seriously twisted parenting with addicts and it’s almost to the point of utter insanity how far parents will go to cover up for little Johnny. So to any parent that is an enabler. Knock it off. You are killing your own child because you are weak and need to get therapy yourself. Grow a pair! Stop allowing your child to use and abuse you.
My bf is an addict he is doing better with his drinking but is now replaced it with crack. He doesn’t pay the house bills and we almost lost our home. Our gas and electric are to be shut off. His laundry I washed and folded for him have now been sitting in the corner of our room for two months now as he refuses to clean up anything. He just sleeps and drinks (he was drinking a 30 pk a day now it lasts him three days) and smokes. He argues about everything and is getting so nasty. I refuse to give him cash and instead I’ll buy/pay the things he NEEDS like food and bills. I don’t want to leave him because of so many reasons mostly because I am not self sufficient enough to live on my own with my kids. I am scared and feeling so helpless and hopeless. I’m new to this article and am hoping to use it to help me. I’m not new to addiction and know all if these things but some how I still get pulled in the lies.
I am a parent of an alcoholic. I read the ten steps as if it were my bible, to keep reminding me that I have done the right thing. My daughter has lost every single thing that meant anything to her due to alcohol. Her children, her partner, her home, her job, her driving licence. I have tried every organisation going. I have given her money continuously until I can’t do it anymore. She has serious mental health issues but nobody will do anything for her whilst taking alcohol daily.
I share care of her children along with the father and other grand parents. She has been in and out of hospital due to alcoholism or a consequence of it, has tried to kill herself Numerous times. The children would be taken to see her and she would be very drunk. She has blamed everybody and everything on her addiction. A few weeks ago I said to her I can’t do this anymore, after all these things happening over several years. I said when you get the professional help you need, come to me then. She has sucked every bit of energy and emotion out of me and my family. I didn’t realise how many families were affected until it happened to us. It’s klling me walking away but I do believe I have made the right decision.
Excellent. This information has provided me with some very clear direction as I approach how I can effectively support my family and loved ones.
Hi, I’ve been suffering from alcohol abuse now for about 4 years. I can go weeks/months without a drink and then for a small reason or no reason I slip and go on a 2-3 day binge of drinking! When I’ve stopped and then hear all the things I’ve said to my family it is vile and I feel so bad! My parents live close and have taken my bank card off me and essort me into shop if I need a few things. Now when I can be trusted in there eyes with my bank card back I seem to slip. My question is, is this wise they have it because I could be doing really well and be off drink for a year for example and then mess it all up! I’m scared this will happen and is it wise that I have it back and learn to trust myself and if I mess up I have to face the back lash? Please help because I want to be how I was that seems like a life time ago and I don’t want to let my family down and more myself. Need some advise!! X
It’s very easy to slip bk in to things like destruction mate, we just need to keep getting bk up narrating again till we get the message my friend have u tried Aa meetings mate,.?
No I haven’t. Maybe it’s me being silly but because I can go so long without a drink and then other times not I don’t know if I’ve got a mega mega problem or just one that can be helped with talking to people in here! Or maybe I’m just nieve. I just wanna know that because I can go so long have I a serious problem or just not dealing with things in a proper way ? I know my family try and understand but they flood me with question to why I do it and I really don’t have any. Or maybe there are some underlined issue I don’t realise? I just know in making myself a loner cos I feel guilty and can’t do with all the questions. Hope that makes sence x
You haven’t mentioned if you’ve tried rehab? Or, do you have a sponsor to talk to if you feel like your going to slip? Sounds like your doing this on your own and your family is trying to help you. You should seek professional help. Outpatient therapy or at least AA meetings.
My boyfriend is an addict I believe heroin now his homeless his mom and dad gave up on him and it kills me to see him like that but I have to stay away and just pray that he can realize his losing everything and gets some help
My niece is a meth addict. My sister takes perception way too much and she gets violant with me.. Thank you i really needed this. They both are very contrlling and very manipulative. My SON was murded in 2011 and my Husband died of cancer in .. I am tring to go back college.I have summer semester left and start again in Aug.. That will be my final semester. I really need to here this Thank you..
Wow my wife is doing all these things somethings ive done somethings i would of never guessed to do or not to do there is alot of good information here thanks for the help
Travis H
These are things I already know…I’m still not understanding why it’s so hard for me to just leave. My heart is in 2, I cry all the time, my anxiety is out of control. Some how still having to maintain a normal day to day life with my job and most importantly my kids. I have very little friends and I go to therapy once a week…the support doesn’t seem to be enough for me to have the courage to leave. The only thing that rips us apart is his habit and I can’t except it. He thinks I should just allow him to “unwind” once in a while…the part he doesn’t see is what the “once in awhile” does to him and us. He has made me become very depend on him financially and I’m scared…scared isn’t the word…I’ve educated myself obsessively in the last 3 years when it comes to this…it’s very clear that I’m smart enough to know that this isn’t ok. I don’t know what I’m looking for exactly but any type of advice and support is more then appreciated. Please help, I’m just a young mom who is longing for a future with an amazing family, My dream is to own a home and come home to my kids and partner and be surrounded with love. He has my heart and I want it back…just when I think I can’t hurt or cry anymore he proves it otherwise…please anyone…I’m desperate to find the answers for all this to make sense
I am always called a hypocrite when I try to ask him not to argue in front of his son ( I have custody) and my addicted son lives with me also … I have no idea how to fix this ..
Thank goodness for your wonderful help and prayers Diviner Odi. My son Stephen is now well and have quit drugs and alcohol. I was making all efforts to make my son Stephen quit drugs. He was addicted to drugs for the past 13 years. He had made my life a living hell and that of his siblings. His late Dad developed a heart attack and died as a result of when Stephen was caught with cocaine and sentenced to 6 years in prison. He steals from me to buy drugs when he has no money. Sometimes, i do pity him when he sit down crying like a child when he does not have the money to buy the drugs. He has been taking to rehabilitation centers, yet he did not change.I came across a testimony of a man on a prayer blog of how Diviner Odi helped his daughter to quit drugs. I wrote Him, and i was told what to do, in 5 days, my son quit drugs and alcohol. thanks to Diviner Odi for his prayers. If anybody on this blogs needs his help you can contact him via his email address: latterdayassembly@gmail.com
My daughter is 41 years old. This addiction has been going on for years. I have never known what to do. I get mad then i give in because i don “t want her to kill herself. I have seen her do things wbere she is lucky to be alive. Your article is the first that has shown me the giving in i have done and how she has destroyed my life. I pray i can be strong enough to do what i must. We have offered her a home she prefers living on the street from man yo man. We told her we would take her to work if she would get a job. We live in a rural area she refuses to live in. I am so depressed. Most of my life. My husband has retired and tries as i do but we get nowhere.
[…] if there have been risky behaviors involved that leave you feeling betrayed. Don’t issue idle threats as you approach this discussion, and try to avoid judgement. Make sure your partner knows how their […]
Thank you so much!!!
Every word said here is so true but how can it help an addict to overcome if he don’t want to accept it, and getting angry and hurting their family members, It hurts a lot to see someone you love doing this to themselve and their family..
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